ooo
nice one man
starts off as "one of those days"
where everything is all...
then a sort of acceptance
and then you move on
couldnt find the right words to say it tho
but great piece!
hope all goes better oi!

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Devious promotion! These guys rock.
~TheShun*JaqDHawkins
club:~KaijuFanClub
Iesus HerI HodIe Semper.

It will, I hope. It's not terribly bad, yet...

Thane
[link]

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Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir ~argonautika

wikid
if it all goes shot ta hell
atleast you have this outlet to thaw
experiences with
and in the end
you'll have something worth the time
then millions will kiss yer ass
well just hope ya aint long dead by then
lol
no one appreciates ya till yer dead....
and then they tear ya appart!
but your work will live on!
BEERS FOR EVERY ONE!

--
Devious promotion! These guys rock.
~TheShun*JaqDHawkins
club:~KaijuFanClub
Iesus HerI HodIe Semper.

Heh. Are you sober...?

Thane
[link]

--
Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir ~argonautika

just sleep deprived

--
Devious promotion! These guys rock.
~TheShun*JaqDHawkins
club:~KaijuFanClub
Iesus HerI HodIe Semper.

Even better!

Thane
[link]

--
Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir ~argonautika

I like how it is split between a phsyical world and a metal world. You are put in the shoes of the cold world he (you) are in before diving into a more abstract view of the mental philosophy.

"as were the glares of the people." - I would prefer the use of 'so' as opposed to 'as'. I feel it makes it more of a stop phrase than flowing, which I feel fits better in this piece. Moreso a personal preference, but we'll see what you think.

"sad, blue period - than a bland, dark rut." - I don't particulrarly like the "dark rut". It works, but in light of being overly critical I will offer suggestions. "sad, blue period" is directly relating a emotion with a color, whereas "bland, dark rut" is using the rut to describe the feeling instead of color. Consider reworking with replacing "dark" with a color, or a word describing grey (ie ashen). Could very well work the best this way.

Overall a rockstar piece. 'tis my second fav now. lateaz

"So" is an amount.
"As" is an equal.

"So" is a conjunction but I was using "As" as a tie in adverb. It's a gay grammar thing. I agree, "so" sounds better, but it's just not correct.

I originall had it as "bland, black rut" but it sounded really wierd. Now that I think about it, "bland, dark rut" goes with my "too intense" personality.

Woohoo for the second best.

Thane
[link]

--
Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir ~argonautika

Heeeeeey Thane! I like this piece muchly ly even. I appreciate your talent for packing so much emotion and punch into a few short lines.... I <3 your work! I must admit, I had a few "good" long weeks this summer when the misfortune and mediocrity of it all got to me, so I identify very clearly with the theme. Very well articulated

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When nothing else makes you feel right, write...